Oprah Winfrey vs. Bob Barker

Yesterday Chizi wrote this post about Bon Jovi's appearance on the "Oprah Winfrey Show." I am confronted by a common dilemma: my girlfriend likes Oprah. While I'm sure that Oprah's show is informative and uplifting and all that jazz, my heart belongs to another daytime idol: Bob Barker, the distinguished host of the greatest game show mankind will ever know, "The Price is Right."

This morning I began to ruminate over the question of which of these two daytime TV powerhouses has done more for the people of this great nation. I have come to the conclusion that Bob runs the superior show and I offer the following as proof:

1) When Oprah gave away cars to everyone in her entire audience during a show last year, everyone thought it was a big deal. Bob has given away far more cars to far more people -- hell, he gives away a car to someone in his audience almost every single day. Why doesn't he get any props for that?

2) Oprah's been on the air for only 19 years; Bob's been on the air for 40! (Note: Bob began hosting "TPIR" in 1972, but he hosted a few other game shows before that)

3) While I've never watched a single episode of Oprah's show, to my knowledge it does not include Plinko, The Big Wheel, or two fabulous Showcases! Bob's show has all those things and so much more.

4) Oprah feels compelled to continually update her show's set to look "contemporary" whereas Bob has insisted that the set remain virtually unchanged since his show began in 1972. Bob knows how to keep it real!

5) Oprah features a lot of celebrities on her show but Bob is content to let "regular" men and women take the spotlight.

6) Oprah has a Book Club -- Bob is smart enough to recognize that TV and literacy are antithetical concepts! Come to think of it, I don't know if I've ever seen a book given away on "TPIR" but I sure have seen a lot of high-definition plasma TVs given away lately!

7) Bob has stayed thin consistently over the years, unlike Oprah. It's a real shame that he won't share his "diet secrets" with his loyal viewers.

8) If Bob were denied access into Hermes 15 minutes after closing, he wouldn't bitch about it on-air like Oprah did. He has nothing but positive things to share.

9) Bob has $100 bills in his pocket! I doubt Oprah does.

10) Barkers' Beauties -- 'nuff said.

I think I've made a compelling case. I could go on about why I love "TPIR" and how it can be viewed as a metaphor for consumerism and America itself, but I'll save all that for another post. I will concede that Oprah's show garners more viewers...we all know a game show that comes on at 10:00 a.m. on weekdays must be enjoyed exclusively by retirees, college students, and the unemployed. However, CBS has been running "TPIR Million Dollar Spectaculars" in primetime for a reason. America just can't get enough of Bob and the 60 minutes of pure ecstacy that is "TPIR."

Speaking of the "Million Dollar Spectaculars," those shows feature Bob giving away three cars to a single person. If Oprah does something like that, I might reconsider my position.

COME ON DOWN!!!